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Your libido
Menopause Oasis
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Many women comment that they are suddenly dealing with a "loss of libido" when they enter peri-menopause/menopause.  Are you one of them?

What is a "low libido"?  Who knows!! 
 
For each person the desire to partake in sexual activities is different.  For each person that desire can (and probably will) fluctuate at times.  Just don't worry about whether someone else thinks your libido is 'too low' or not...what is, is.  What is right for you is all that matters.  The only time you need to fret about this whole thing is if what you normally enjoy doing is no longer what you want to do.

Some women even state that they have lost all desire for sex.  My question to them would be, "What about it is no longer the same for you?".
  • Are you actually 'turned off' by the very idea of love play or sexual intercourse, or is it the fact that you are just plain bored with what you have been getting? 
  • Do you no longer reach orgasm - or is it just not as 'powerful' as it once was?
  • Do you think your libido is lower because your body is not responding the same way to the same stimuli as before?
  • Are you talking about a lack of desire or your lack of response to stimuli?
  • Do you often think, "I'm just too tired."?
  • Do you find yourself thinking, "Who'd find me desirable?"?
  • Do you no longer enjoy sexual intercourse because it hurts?  This could be anywhere from feelings of dryness to actual tearing of vaginal tissue.

As you can see by my questions there are many perceptions as to what may be involved in the answer to my original question!!

In most cases, once you can define what your real definition of "loss of desire" is, you can find a 'cure' for the problem - assuming you want to!

More questions and some possible answers to consider:
  • Are your hormone levels or some medication causing your body to respond differently?   Talk with your doctor about this possibility.
  • Are you consuming too much alcohol or other recreational drugs?   While they can both ramp up your desire initially, they can both totally destroy it too.
  • Are you experiencing vaginal discomfort or pain? It can be medically addressed - discuss it with your doctor!
  • Are you suffering from sleep deprivation or physical exhaustion? Again, discuss this with your doctor!

If you are feeling less lovable or less presentable have a good pep talk with yourself or see a counselor for help with your self image. 

You need to figure out if there is something beyond the fact that your hormones are 'out of kilter' that is triggering your apathy on this subject.

Reconsider just what it is about your loss of desire that you can personally address.  Your lack of response may simply need a change of pace on your part or that of your partner.  Be willing to suggest new things to try...or at least listen when your partner does!  Talk about things, be open to some experimentation. Let your intimate moments become fun again.

You may well discover that, just because things have changed, your libido has not gone down the proverbial drain.  Maybe it just needs a kick in the butt, or maybe your idea of what it 'should be' needs an attitude adjustment!

 

There are some great resources out there in cyberspace (and on book shelves) to help you discover just what you can do to help yourself.
 
Here are just a few cyber links:
 
at Women to Women - a great read of an interview with Dr. Christiane Northrup.

iVillage Health "Sex and Menopause: How to Get Back in the Game"


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